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Vandals and Moors, on to the Norwegian Crusaders, Aragon's James the Conqueror and the Catalans, these islands off the Spanish east coast have been a marauder's playground for centuries. Pacha Ibiza became the nightclub jewel in the crown, welcoming into its throbbing embrace kings, queens, marquesses, duchesses, artists, crooks, the famous, and, of course, the infamous. Using the ferry, you can board it on your own or with a car. Long before Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich sailed into Formentera's crystalline waters last year on his.2-billion, 163-metre superyacht, Eclipse, and Australian billionaire James Packer sidled up alongside him in his (much smaller and cheaper) refurbished icebreaker, Arctic P, the Balearic Islands (of which Ibiza. "They don't see what's happening under the surface." Neither do I, because no sooner have I absorbed this latest ecological threat than I am back at the old port in Ibiza having dinner at Lio nightclub restaurant, where the dark-eyed waitresses whisper Spanish love songs. Rival gangs control the lucrative drug trade.

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Five prominent Ibiza families vie for authority over the major nightclubs and hotels. (Important caveat: I still can't fathom two things. Of Getting To Ibiza You can get in for free using the hitchhiking method. My dubious hookup in Salem press credentials allow me 15 minutes to perch there for free. It was one of our last nights, and I was getting frustrated because I had only made out with one guy all week and he wasn't even a good kisser. Dear Ibiza, thank you for redefining what crazy. I could almost taste the full-blown insanity coming out, and I managed to leave in time.